ROOTED RENEGADE

Often times we don’t understand what it’s like to wear ‘new clothes’ in a spiritual sense. Many of us know that in a physical sense, new clothing can take on various meaning, both good and bad.

For instance, when I used to work at a massage parlor in my late teens, after a friend’s mom took me there, I was told the clothes I wore were not up to “standards”. So once I had made enough of my own money I went to buy more. I went to places like Victoria Secrets but their secrets weren’t saucy enough. So Fredricks of Hollywood was a little better suited. I was young and didn’t fully grasp what was happening in my little world, I just did what I was told…I bought new clothes. I’m not sure clothes may have been an appropriate term depending upon who you ask, but they were to me at the time. They had labels and tags and well, so did I.

Fast forward a little over twenty years, I went to a recovery program with borrowed clothes, a program that has volunteers come to provide “new clothes” in a shopping spree for free! We were treated with love, respect, honor, and kindness. No one cared where we came from.

New Clothes began to take on a whole new meaning to me. While I couldn’t fit most of them, I still felt acceptance in a different way. Now I will say I was the stubborn one who would not participate in the fashion show-they meant well, but I had my reasons. Bless them dearly!! I still love each one of them so much! I was still so traumatized from being on display in the massage parlor to being trafficked and prostitution and involved in addiction most of my life to want to swirl around in an outfit for a bunch of well meaning women who knew nothing about my life!

Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.”

“Search me, God, and know my heart…” YES! YES! YES! Oh how it ached! Oh how it hurt! Oh how it yearned for freedom from holding in the pain I felt when they came in with new clothes I couldn’t wear most of the time. Or just didn’t want to because I didn’t want to twirl or dance around! I had been so used to associating clothing with “bad things” – lesser things – things that steal your worth and value as a woman. Colors flashing all around!! REDS in EVERY shade! In fact, I hated it! I wanted to vomit every single time I saw that horrific color! Orange everywhere I could scream!!! The memories it brought back. The pain in my chest I would feel so real. The anger would well up inside me. The death that would loom over me. I was screaming on the inside…oh was I dying…but outside you would never know it. Then, oh but then, one of the beautiful women would speak a word of LIFE over me from you, O GOD, and I would know you were right there with me, and I was not alone.

It took me some time to internalize the new clothes and I never told a soul. But you knew. You knew my troubled heart and I sought your face deeply and intimately. I was able to wear more and more of the clothes and began to restore my faith in humanity. The clothes I wore I didn’t have to model for people in a negative way. I didn’t have to remove clothing, there were no monetary exchanges, nor would there ever be again. The new clothes were solely for me. You knew when others didn’t that I had lost everything – dignity, belongings, self-worth, pride, value, faith in people and myself, and so much more. And you restored it bit by bit. But I had to let you work on my heart and you did it through other people. I had to let you heal the little girl who still hurt over loss. Who was barely 18 and 19 learning the dark side of humanity.

Hebrews 4:16 “Therefore, let us approach the Throne of Grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find GRACE to help us in time of NEED”.

So fierce and awesome God was in pursuit of my heart! Just as He is with each of us. He looks at us with “New Clothes” on when He sees us wrapped in His righteousness and not our pain. He takes what we have suffered and removes the crimson stain of it all and still sees our beauty. You see in Christ we are new creations and how glorious it is to be majestically clothed! It took a long time for me to change the way I thought about clothes until I really understood that my God gave me new clothes and didn’t look at me like those people did who used to buy me. I no longer hid from my Heavenly Father like Jonah! I had tried to hide that part of me deep down inside so that no one would ever know or see. Thinking I could run from God also!

Psalm 139:7-8 “Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to Heaven, you are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.”

But God used beautiful people, women at that, to uproot the hidden part of me. He used His Word to touch that tender place. And He used “New Clothes” to make me NEW!

@B3autifullyR3deemed2019