ROOTED RENEGADE

I had the most beautiful encounter with Jesus this morning during worship and from a deep place of surrender.  I was getting ready for my day and was opening curtains while I had worship playing and I just feel on my knees.

On my knees crying out before the Father. I was crying out for my children and from this deep place in my heart that was just gushing forth. As tears poured down my face, I saw a vision of Jesus on the cross and he turned His head to me and whispered I love you. I broke more. More deeply. More intimately. More fully.

What seemed like time standing still was but merely a moment with My precious Savior.  He then took me by the hand and led me out of the grave with Him.  And a deeper surrender came than what I was already in.

My heart was being transformed by His great love for me.  It was as if we were the only two in this precious moment in time for all of history.  The cross, the grave, the present, all at once. And I didn’t want it to end.

You see He knew this morning before dawn would ever break what my heart would need and what it would need to let go of.  He knew that this morning all the striving and fighting would be laid down for the healing.  That the part of my heart where I had still been keeping guard over would finally be relented to His great love.  A love so pure. A love so deep. A love so free.

As I write this, I am still in awe of what He showed me and how to the very depth of my core I will never be the same again. I know that change comes from our deepest places of letting go.  When we stop trying to control the narratives and outcomes of our lives and release it to our Precious Potter who knows how to form the clay better than we. When we give in instead of giving up to the One who knows us better than we know ourselves.  

Letting go is not as hard as we make it.  It just doesn’t fit the neat little boxes in our minds we have made up for everything to fit.  It can be messy. It does hurt sometimes.  And it looks different for each of us.  But if we will allow ourselves to step outside what we have envisioned, what we have made, what we think, and what others think, then we can truly step into a place of love that is waiting for us with open arms. A love that is always beckoning us to come and be embraced. 

I hope you read this and want the deeper waters. I hope you read this and know that you too can let go. I held on so tightly to the ways I wanted God to move in my life that I would get frustrated and want to quit because it wasn’t happening like I thought it should. The promise was taking too long (as if I ever had any say in that). The healing was delayed. The breakthrough just didn’t seem to be happening.

But can I tell you something? My timeline sucks and yours does too. We didn’t create time. We didn’t fashion the world with our hands and tell the stars when they could come out and when to hide away. We didn’t set the stages of the moon or the orbit of earth. We didn’t form man from the dust and woman from the man’s rib. That wasn’t us. There was a perfect timeline when God created, just as there is now. So to think that my timeline has to be met and the expectations I have set need to be adhered to, is well, ridiculous. And quite laughable. God knows my heart and how much I want to see people free and walking with Jesus. But He also knows theirs and what it will take for that to happen. Just like He knows yours.

He is outside of what we know as time here on earth. May we trust Him with it and know that regardless of how we think it should go, we still don’t have the full picture. May we let God be God and we stay in a place of surrender, on our knees with arms stretched wide. Worshipping through it all.

Faythe