ROOTED RENEGADE

When you battle giants of lack, disappointment, discouragement, etc. often times they bring doubt along for the ride. Doubt causes us to question whether or not God will come through for us.

Doubt causes us to question whether or not God sees us. Whether or not He is listening to us.

It’s okay to ask questions when we don’t understand. When the waiting is longer than we anticipated. When the answers don’t come as quickly as we want them to. But asking questions for clarity and understanding is not the same as doubt.

When doubt creeps in, there becomes a lack of trust. A forgetfulness of the goodness of God and all that He has already done in our lives. Gratitude leaves and is replaced with complaining. And trust waivers. When we get in these places it can be easy to turn to other sources for hope. The glass of wine at night to ease the tension and stress from the day. The joint on the weekends to let go of the cares and worries that have been mounting all week. The pipe every now and then to help manage the overwhelming pain and feelings of dread. The pills to numb so you can’t feel anymore.

Waiting is hard. It forces us to look at ourselves and see the areas where we need adjustments. But if in the waiting we rely on our own understanding, and we reach for the scapegoats, we will find that God is not the one who has drifted, it’s us.

Giants like that ya know. They love to get you off focus and keep you from having hope. They are like hope suckers instead of hope dealers. They drain you of all life and keep you trapped in this place of waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

It’s a vicious cycle and one that, just like lack, can take some time to reframe our perspectives. Especially if we are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Living life in vicious cycles can wear us down as well. They are emotionally and mentally exhausting. Which in turn causes us to numb out on other things. 

When I was first diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder, I felt my world had fallen apart. Barely able to stay awake for long periods of time. Not able to eat a lot of foods due to allergies and sensitivities. Not able to go the gym and do any exercise because I felt my body would crash. There were all sorts of things that were affecting my every day life. And I felt like I had been dropped off a cliff, abandoned and forgotten.

Giants were screaming in my face to give up and my ear to just throw it all away. I had to fight every day to make it one more day. And I was beginning to lose hope. Hope in healing. Hope in a beautiful life. Hope that I would ever be able to do the things that God called me to. Hope that I would even be able to at least be happy. I had even lost the joy for life.

While I was still grateful for every breath, I really struggled to think or see that God was going to see me through it all. Like He had somehow overlooked me when the healing was being passed around and I got slapped with another diagnosis. Many dark days I walked through. And I didn’t always share the struggle because everyone kept telling me I was healed. But where was it?

As I started losing hope, the Lord spoke to my heart that He had not forgotten me. My body just needed healing too. Where I had thought I was done healing, God had more in store for me. 

We often ignore the fact that our physical bodies need just as much healing as our mental and emotional systems. Truthfully, you can’t heal one without healing the other. They are dependent upon one another. They work in harmony and unison when they are working properly. But when something is broken in one of the systems, it is like coding being broken in software. It won’t work properly until it is fixed.

And you have to go through all the coding to find the break in it in order to fix it. The same is true in our bodies. You have to do a systems check to see where the break is so it can be healed. 

I have seen many miracles and people healed on the spot. I have seen a man almost dead raised back to life. I have seen demoniacs put in their right minds. I have had many miracles happen in my own life. And being reminded of those moments was where the hope came from. It was what I have clung to when the giants were screaming at me. 

I know that I know that I know that God sees me and healing is mine. I know that in the darkest night He has been right beside me, holding me. And I know that even when my circumstances seemed impossible, that He has never stopped being the God of making the impossible, possible.

We may feel hope is lost. We may feel God won’t come through for us. But in those dark days or seasons, the one thing we can surely hold onto is that God brought Jesus through death. He opened the tomb because it couldn’t hold Him any longer.

And in our lives, God is still opening tombs. He is still in the healing business. He is still the miracle worker. And absolutely nothing catches Him off guard.

I can’t explain why things are allowed to happen. And I have stopped trying to rationalize it myself. What I can tell you is that one day the Valley of Baca will burst forth new springs in my life and yours. One day, we will see the breakthrough God promises us. And one day…we will be able to tell the story of how we made it through so others can be free.

In every day, gratitude will carry us through. When I started being grateful for the body God gave me, for the ability to keep going, for the strength the endure…something beautiful began to happen. I was no longer focused on the lack or what I didn’t see…I started focusing on the One who sees me. 

That alone friends can shift our perspectives and give us hope for another day.

And the One who sees me, sees you. You are not forgotten or abandoned by Him.

You may be waiting on breakthrough or healing…don’t give up hope. Jesus is the real hope dealer and the One who will give you all that you need while you wait on the miracle.

Faythe