ROOTED RENEGADE

Have you ever been hit with one sickness after another? You get over one just to get smacked again. Another round of antibiotics. What about multiple diagnoses? Cancer? Medication after medication. Each one affecting how you think, how you feel, your energy levels, etc. 

When I was first diagnosed with another autoimmune disorder, I was put on a medication that was used for treating cancer. It caused heavy brain fog which made it hard to concentrate on anything. It started out great managing my symptoms, but after a couple of months, it was no longer about the pain in my body, it was about everything else happening. 

My hair started to fall out. My skin became sensitive and started to get really dry. My face became very sensitive and I had to stop wearing make-up. I was on this for over a year. Each passing day, it became harder to imagine I would ever life a happy, fulfilling life, because I was fighting to make it through each day.

Fast forward almost two years later and a new doctor, less diagnoses, and no longer on the horrible medication that was stealing my quality of life. And here is what I learned.

Sickness causes us to remove our hand from the plow because we are too exhausted to keep up anymore. We are too depleted emotionally to find joy in many things. Our bodies are too worn down to want to do anymore than the bare minimum to survive each day. And our spirit man gets worn down too.

We stop living and start surviving. And that is what the enemy of our soul wants. He wants us to give up trying to find joy each day. He wants our minds focused solely on the diagnosis instead of Jesus. He wants our bodies exhausted. And he surely wants our spirit man worn out from fighting.

But here is what he doesn’t anticipate…

When you keep getting up…you keep getting stronger.

When you keep showing up…you keep overcoming.

When you keep fighting…you keep winning.

When you keep seeking Jesus…you find Him.

And when you do all these things…your hand doesn’t come off the plow. It may feel like it is, but what is being developed in you is something that satan and his goons can’t steal. Endurance. Perseverance. Strength. Determination.

Don’t hear what I am not saying…I don’t believe God wants us sick or battling diagnoses. And no, I don’t have an answer for why we do. But what I can tell you is that when we do, He is right beside us. When the dark night of the soul comes in these places, He is right there with us catching every single tear that falls.

What I have learned in the battle is that the more I rise, the greater giants fall. The more I worship, the more they can’t speak. The more I praise, the less I can hear them.

I would never tell you it is easy…because it is not. Fighting against this giant is not for the faint of heart. They know just the right buttons to push to get you to lose focus and heart. They know because they have been doing this longer than we have been alive.

The key to overcoming is just to keep showing up each day, grateful that you have another one. Allow Holy Spirit to cleanse and purify your heart of anything that may be holding you back. Allow Him to meet you face to face in the secret place, where all the noise has to bow to the name of Jesus. And let Jesus hold you. Let Him love you to life. 

The dark night of diagnoses does end…keep looking to the Healer. He is listening.

Faythe