ROOTED RENEGADE

Many times those who suffer abuse, whether it is physical, sexual, or emotional, find the wheels of the mind stuck on repeat. After the process of “enabling feelings” starts, the wheel turns and turns and all of these emotions come to the surface. Anger and rage, sadness, depression and anxiety, etc. All with varying intensities. The memories flow like rivers or train wrecks…all depends on the survivor and the stage of healing they are in and what can of worms gets opened on which day. It could be glitter and rainbows for months on end and then one day all hell may break loose and Satan’s army may unleash a monstrous attack on God’s precious daughter or son and blind sighted would be a devastating understatement.

What troubles me is how many people actually understand this or better yet, not understand, but dismiss it for nothing. I have found in my own life that my wheel gets stuck on repeat and no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I go it alone, it does not get unstuck until I pour it all out before God, and my support team. But all throughout that time, I have people tell me to get over it. To woman up and keep it pushing. It will be alright, let it go, you aren’t there anymore. God saved you so it should not bother you anymore, etc.

So let me just stop right there. First, yes MY JESUS DIED ON THE CROSS AND SHED HIS BLOOD FOR ALL MY SINS, FOR THE SINS OF ALL WHO HURT ME, FOR ALL I HAVE DONE TO HURT OTHERS, AND I DO NOT DISCOUNT THAT FOR A SECOND!!!

Now, let me also say, that Jesus also knows that my mind is a fierce battlefield. FIERCE I TELL YOU!!!! Yahweh knows exactly what all has happened to me and how it affects my mind!! So to tell a survivor that he or she needs to get over it is like slapping them in the face and telling them that what they went through does not matter!!!! It is like saying…”Oh I’m sorry you were sold! I’m sorry people abused you! I’m sorry you ended up being an addict! I’m sorry you were hurt! Blah, blah, blah, blah!!! But get over it! Those memories don’t matter! BOSS UP! SHUT YOUR BRAIN OFF SISSY!” Now you will have to excuse me, but that is virtually impossible to do all the time!

Let me ask you this…can you shut your brain off all the time when you think about something painful? Can you tell your head to take a break? Probably not! Those wheels just turn and turn and get stuck on repeat! So why is it that people tend to treat survivors like they are less than just because they have never experienced it? Because they are in a higher position in life? Or higher position spiritually? Or just feel they are superior in general? I actually love it when someone can sit with me or text me and say, you know what…I know it is hard but it is okay. You are gonna get through this because you don’t have to be 100% all the time. It took me a long time to even reach out to people and open up. To say hey, I am having a hard time. My head is a train wreck from memories and I need to talk about it and to have someone say its okay. Not get over it!

Sometimes our wheel is going to get stuck on repeat. Jesus knows that and He is going to be right there when it does. He is going to place specific people in our lives when it does. So when people tell you to get over it, remember that Jesus is right there waiting and He just wants it all…the rawness of what you feel. The realness of what you feel. The totality of what you feel. He wants every single tear that falls when there is a train wreck in your head. He wants every fiber of your being to be 100 with Him no matter what anyone else says. Let Him send you the Army you need in your moments of weakness and let Him alone use that weakness for His Glory.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

⁹ And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast ^[a]about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.¹⁰ Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with ^[b]insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Give it all to the one who made Gideon, the weak man who defeated the Midianites after testing God multiple times and God choosing 300 men who demonstrated strength at the river by staying alert to help him against an army of 135,000 (Judges 7). He will always supply your needs accordingly.

Day 9 “Off The Grid” Church on Fire (Harrison, Ohio)

It’s never to late to get on board! Text OTG to 513-268-0756 and join me in the OFF THE GRID Challenge! See what Yahweh can do in your life for 21 Days of free Social Media living! It’s just 21 days!