ROOTED RENEGADE

It is not uncommon when you read a book to fall in love with a story. Often times people, especially those who have endured trauma and abuse, borrow the identity of those in the stories, as they can relate to them on a soul level. They sometimes take on the characteristics of those in the stories, because when they look in the mirror, they aren’t sure who they see. Too often the brokenness of their experiences have left gaps in their sense of self, causing a need to fill them in, which is what leads me to the “borrowing from others”. When you have a void you want to fill it. You will fill it with whatever feels satisfying at the time. Whether that is drugs, alcohol, sex, food, music, relationships, social media, and the like. There are other things that fill the voids or gaps in our sense of self and that is “borrowing from others”. By that I mean, borrowing someone else identity, whether it is a true sense of identity or not. Such as seeing someone on social media living the life and you might want the life they have, so you start fantasizing, not weirdly or anything, but you just envy their life. So, you mimic it or borrow from it. Maybe you start shopping the same name brands, decorating your house or apartment in a similar style, doing your hair the same, etc. This is borrowing or mimicking. It is not that we can’t have similar styles or interests. Many of us do and we find that our friends may have the same pictures in their homes because we both shop at T.J. Max for instance. Oops! LOL. This is different. This happens because there is a lack of knowing oneself, so you borrow from another because you don’t know how to identify the void, then fill it with the right stuff. Borrowing is not the right choice, but it seems like the only choice at the time.

It may seem odd or you might be thinking pretty wild thoughts, but it is an actually pretty common occurrence. Everyone has done it a time or two, but most either don’t recognize it or won’t admit it and just go on about life as if nothing is wrong. Let’s face it, it is hard to look in the mirror and start a process called “deconstruction”. Deconstruction is the process of taking apart all that you are so the Lord can put you back together. It is looking at yourself under a microscope and allowing all those hard, stony pieces to fall away so that everything that was hindering that wine skin to be made new, to stop hindering it. You want to be a pliable person. Easy to work with. Easy to get along with. Easy to talk too. Easy to listen to. Easy to understand. One that even on the bad days, they really aren’t that bad. One that while it might get a little tough communicating with sometimes, it is better than the alternative, and most just thought of someone as soon as they read that! I know I did. I thought of me, on both ends of the spectrum! Whew! I was awful at one point in time. Most who know me now, did not know me back then! I am direct, but I have learned over the years how to soften my muchness! It has been a “deconstruction” process that has come with many, many conversations from other people, some I did not take kindly too as their approach was rather harsh and demeaning. Others, they softened the blow. Yet others, well, it didn’t land at all and that is okay too. You see, we were meant for relationship with people. So, in order to have relationship we must work at relationship. Doesn’t mean we will always get it right and it doesn’t mean we have to be doormats. There is a middle ground. Which leads me to the next point.

When you borrow from others because you feel a void and you want it filled, you are harming yourself. Self harm is a vile practice, no matter how you fulfill it. I say that because you can harm yourself in many ways, even if you don’t realize you are doing it. It can be subtle or blatantly obvious. The subtleties of self harm usually come in the way of food. Food by overeating, not following strict diets that doctor’s prescribe for health reasons, eating foods that are on an allergy list (but you like them so much you eat them anyway), etc. Food is one of the easiest ways to self harm and for it to go unnoticed. People don’t really recognize food as a means to self harm, but they should. When you borrow from other people to fill a void, you are doing the same thing…harming. The void you are filling cannot be filled by what you take from another person, it can only be filled by finding out how it this particular area of yourself / life became void in the first place. What is it that you are really feeling? What are you trying to avoid that is causing this void place in your heart and/or soul? What are you really experiencing that you just don’t want to deal with, that is causing you to feel empty? There is something buried deep beneath the surface and ignoring it won’t make it go away. Scrolling social media and living through other people will not fill the void. Other’s lives won’t make you feel better about your own. That is just facts. On the flip side, what will happen is that the emptiness will grow and you will self harm more. Self harm is truly turning all your pain inward – regardless of the means in which you choose to do it. It is actually self hatred. It is hating yourself so much that you choose not to care for yourself. I know, I have done it too.

I didn’t understand just how deep this went in my own life until the Lord led me to understanding self harm on a deeper level. I had been diagnosed with over 40 food allergies and I had to completely change my lifestyle, not just the foods I ate. I had to stop eating most of the foods I ate my entire life. My whole life had to change and I had such a hard time doing it, that it took me almost two years to do it. I cut out quite a bit the first year, but somethings I struggled really bad. I had to stop coffee, chocolate, eating meat a certain way, all spices but salt and pepper, rosemary and thyme, gluten, yeast, most vegetables and fruits, and so much more. I had a list that I would have to carry with me and I had to learn how to cook all over again. I had to read every label and most of my food had to be fresh. I mean coffee! I had to learn that self harm is so vile, that what I was doing by eating things I wasn’t supposed to was really harming my body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says this: “Or don’t you know that your body is temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.” I had to learn this because I wasn’t taught this in Church. I had to walk through the process of understanding that my body is a temple and I needed to stop hurting it by disrespecting and harming the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. Conviction not condemnation.

What I had done for so many years is watch other people in my life do things that harmed themselves and thought well I can do that too and its okay, because it is not addiction or alcoholism, it is just food. I hadn’t learned a sense of self that was rooted in my true identity for a very long time. I borrowed from good people what I thought was okay, just like many of us do. We watch their mannerisms and behaviors. What I missed was that not everyone exhibits their true identity in Christ. We must be careful who we want to model after. We are to model after Christ Jesus, not people. That is why the verse of 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 is so important to understand. If we are borrowing from other people, to shape our identity, our sense of self, who we are, then we are not doing what scripture is instructing us, and we are certainly not understanding our identity in Christ. I know I wasn’t being taught it for a long time because I was being taught the wrath of God and how I was lucky to be saved but was always going to be a sinner. I wasn’t taught God’s love or about Holy Spirit. Once I started being taught Holy Spirit and identity and God’s love, it started making sense that there were changes I needed to make. Not relying on others to help shape my identity by borrowing from them was one of them. I had to go straight to the source – the God who created me. I had to learn about Him, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in order to understand me. Who am I? Who are you? Interesting questions to ask ourselves in this journey we get to walk with the Lord!

The last thing is this. Give people back what belongs to them. I didn’t understand this at first. How do we give people back what we borrowed from them on our journey’s of self discovery (especially after extensive experiences of trauma)? It’s simple but not. Let me give you an example to explain. Have you ever wanted a cookie’s and cream milkshake at your fav fast food but they mixed up and gave you a plain vanilla instead? What did you do? Most likely you gave it back! Hopefully you didn’t do anything else! Apart from ordering a new one – you don’t want to keep something that doesn’t belong to you in the first place. That cookie’s and cream milkshake was yours and the vanilla was not. What belongs to you is for you spiritually (and naturally). What doesn’t, does not. We cannot keep trying to take ownership of things that do not belong to us, it gets us in trouble. When we don’t understand, that is where we “perish for lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6) and we are then destroyed because most times we just leave it at a lack of understanding and don’t try to get some. No head knowledge does not make a good case. What makes a good case is getting some sense. Once you know better you do better. So, you do better by giving it all back. Soul ties are severed by returning back to the person everything that belongs to them and not you. You create soul ties with people in all types of relationships, sometimes good, sometimes bad. It is up to you to get with the Holy Spirit and determine what to do with those ties. He is the best teacher!

To wrap it up. When you don’t know who you are in Christ Jesus, you will borrow from someone’s sense of self to make sense of your own and often don’t realize you are doing it. Your own brokenness that is in need of healing has left a void that is looking to be filled and often it gets filled with whatever is easiest, whether that is from borrowing a false sense of identity from others, addictions such as drugs, sex, alcohol or food. It can also be engaging in self harm behaviors that you may not even realize you are doing, like I did. Often we don’t realize that what we are doing is destructive when it comes to subtle behaviors such as changing the way we eat to such drastic measures but not just going ahead and following all the way through instead of taking months or years to do so. Other behaviors may be social media, mimicking others behaviors, etc. Deconstruction is an important part of a person’s growth process. We are a temple of the Holy Spirit and that carries a lot of weight if you take the time to understand the meaning and significance behind it. Our sense of self needs cultivation in the Word of God not the world or others. While people in our lives give us a sense of shaping some of who we are, they are not our identity and it is improper for us to make them so. Our identity should be grounded and rooted in Christ Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God (Genesis 1:26-27). We were not created in the image of our families, friends, or children. We were created in the image and likeness of the Triune Godhead.

It is my hope and prayer that you find the process of deconstruction a new tool in your toolbox. A new way to grow in the ways of the Lord and in your true identity in Christ Jesus, Holy Spirit and God. You are made for great things and called for a strategic and specific purpose that was spoken over your life the day that God called your name when He spoke you into existence. Your identity is perfected in their identity and He made no mistakes in choosing you! I pray you rise into your calling and destiny and understanding of who you are and whose you are – sons and daughters of God – joint heirs with Christ Jesus!

If you don’t know Christ Jesus, I pray that you simply ask Him into your heart today by asking forgiveness of your sins. Jesus is no respecter of persons and anyone can come to Him and repent and be saved. All sin is the same to Him and all can be forgiven (Luke 23:32-55 (Jesus gave both men the opportunity to enter the Kingdom of Heaven at the cross and only one took it – He didn’t say one sin was different than the other – nor did Jesus ask them). With a repentant heart that is ready to change, simply ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins and ask the Holy Spirit to come and dwell with you, He is faithful and just to do it for all who believe (1 John 1:9). Amen.

God Bless you, Faythe