ROOTED RENEGADE

In 2018 I wrote these three words: “The Jaded Spirit”…and then off I went about my business and well didn’t revisit it until tonight. I have asked the Holy Spirit what He meant by “The Jaded Spirit” and here it is…my own experience with it.

“The Jaded Spirit” was something I carried for a very long time. I can still hear myself saying that I was jaded by my experiences or by relationships. I used the word frequently when referring to myself although I had no clue that I was really identifying a spirit that I had partnered with and became friends with and took ownership with. In my ignorance I grew to believe that I was a jaded person that no one would love or want around them. My past greatly defined me in ways it does many of us. We label ourselves because others have labeled us and it just seems normal. We talk about ourselves in ways that make the Lord’s heart hurt (I think even in ways that make Him cry over us). Don’t get sacrilegious on me here either. I do believe we do things that deeply hurts the Father’s heart but we don’t realize it or see it often times because of view of Him is often so narrow. 

The ways in which I had talked about myself are probably familiar to many of you. Once you experience disappointments in relationships, marriages, parenthood, family, etc. you begin to place blame, guilt, shame, and condemnation on yourself. You also self-harm with words and actions to try to compensate for the way you feel. Every person on this planet who is old enough to talk and form sentences has at least said once, “Oh that was so stupid” or “I am so stupid”. At least once, probably more. Jaded. As soon as we speak against ourselves we open the door to the “Jaded Spirit”.

I must say, I didn’t readily identify this. For years I struggled with how I talked to myself, how I looked at myself, and how I thought about myself. I truly believed I would be jaded forever…as if God made some piece of trash and I needed to just accept it, own it, and move on with life believing it as my truth. I owned it like a pair of socks that keep my feet warm in the winter or that comfy sweater I would wear when I was feeling down. As if it was something to be owned. I believed it so much that no matter what people said who were well meaning, caring, loving people…I still believed it was my truth to be jaded and nothing anyone said would change it. 

As I sit here and write this, I realize even more how much I took ownership of this demonic spirit. Ingrained it into part of who I was then. Allowed it to talk to me any kinda way and believed what it had to say. Walked with it down the road of self-condemnation picking up more lies and baggage on the journey. The entire time I thought it was my lot and portion to be that way…downcast and outcast. I truly believed that I would never change, never be okay, never be loved, etc. I made so many negative inner vows with the Jaded spirit that I didn’t notice how bad it had gotten. 

Over the years I have experienced a lot of deliverance and I know that I will keep being delivered until I get home with Jesus. I say that because I don’t want anyone reading this to think that they can’t be free from something. Whatever it is…YOU CAN BE FREE. ”Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). It is not your lot or portion to be bound forever. Neither is it yours to be trapped by the Jaded spirit. It wasn’t mine either. Even as I write this I am repenting for partnering with the lies and for ever believing that God intended me to be jaded and broken as if it was how He made me. I can assure you that God didn’t make one mistake when He made you. Not one.

What I have learned (and still learn) is that evil has many names. It comes in all forms, shapes, sizes, colors, etc. It likes to hide behind people so that we don’t realize that we are fighting against a spiritual principality. So many believers don’t realize that they open doors to the demonic and allow them to walk right on in their lives just by the way they talk to themselves and about themselves. Mostly because someone else had done it to them in their childhood. Where one door was opened by a parent, family member, friend, teacher, etc…that door didn’t get shut as we got older because we allowed it to remain open. Not that we knew any better…however ignorance doesn’t stop what happens. The verse in Hosea that says “my people perish for a lack of knowledge” is very much true…even today (Hosea 4:6). We perish because we don’t understand what we are fighting against and end up fighting against ourselves – and God. We perish because we don’t seek understanding and wisdom, we try to do it in our own strength. We perish because we reject God’s knowledge and think we know it all and can figure it all out. 

Friends there is a better way. Repentance is key to being free also. We must repent of the ways in which we have partnered with the enemy of our souls and rejected God’s truth. We must repent for rejecting God’s creation – us. We must repent for rejecting God’s promises. We must repent for making inner vows and taking ownership of things that are not ours (and never were). 

I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to show you the ways in which you have partnered with the Jaded spirit and ask Him to help you walk through repentance. And don’t be afraid of what He shows you. Allow yourself to do the work to change the way you view yourself, your life, and God. Be kind to yourself in this process. For some it will be difficult to change negative self-talk that has become habitual. Be patient and gentle with yourself also. We often don’t realize how bad it is until we hear someone else talking about themselves the same way. Be open to allowing the Holy Spirit to show you so that you can be free. After doing it myself, I can tell you friends that it is worth the pressing.

If you don’t have a relationship with the Holy Spirit or Jesus, I encourage you to pray and ask for that relationship. Open your heart today and allow them to come in and dwell. It’s not a complicated prayer. Just repent for your sin and ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life. Believe He is the Son of God and died on the cross for your sins and rose on the third day. Let Him do the rest. He is a wonderful teacher.

Remember as you go through this process that others hear what you say to yourself and about yourself. They learn from you just as much as you learn from them…which includes children. What they hear you say they will repeat eventually. Even if it is directed at themselves. Choose your words wisely and allow the healing to take place.

Until next time…God bless you! Faythe