ROOTED RENEGADE

I have spent some time this morning thinking about what our soul goes through when it needs to be cleansed as I was cleaning adhesive off a wall in my bedroom. The Holy Spirit started talking to me about how our souls carry so much gunk and grime that needs to be cleansed. This gunk and grime sticks to our souls like black adhesive or tar and often goes unnoticed. It gets in the crevices and stays there until something happens to trigger a reaction. And even then, sometimes we don’t notice it. Like a thief lurking in the night, this grime spreads while we go about our day to day lives, sleeping.

The day before this I was looking at the gross adhesive that wouldn’t come off the wall with soap and water, vinegar and water, vinegar, water and soap mixtures I had tried. As I was laying in bed Holy Spirit whispered Goo Gone and I knew He was telling me what I needed to get for the wall. So I hopped on Amazon and ordered it. Most times it takes being quiet and not trying to search for the answer but asking for it instead.

James 4:2-3 (NIV) says: ² You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

You see we wander around our lives not asking enough questions and then sitting long enough for the answers. I am laughing because I can imagine My Father sitting in heaven watching me search and search in the wrong places for answers He wants to give me. He knows me well!

When I got quiet and stopped searching the internet, I got the answer I needed to clean the mess off the wall. In my impatience for a quick resolution, I missed the one who had it all along.

We do this a lot and while I for one am trying to change this in my own life, I know how hard it is. In two and a half months I will have ten years of freedom. The past ten years have been harder than I imagined they would be and many times I wanted to give up. Many times I searched for answers outside of God. I would pray but then not sit long enough to hear. I would pray and not get the answer as quick as I wanted it and would get discouraged. I would pray and think I would hear something and sometimes take off running with it, but I didn’t sit long enough to ask about timing and direction. Which cost me greatly in many ways.

But here is the beautiful thing about those mistakes that the Holy Spirit showed me this morning. I kept getting back up. I kept trying. I kept putting in the work to cleanse my soul. I kept putting in the work to heal the wounds I had carried for decades. I kept showing up when I wanted to quit. And I wanted to quit more times than I can count. I have seen many people slide through their recovery without putting in the work and I see the torment their souls are going through. I didn’t want that to be me.

I wanted something different. Something I had never had before. I wanted healthy. I wanted wholeness. I wanted healing. I wanted to break every generational assault against me and my family. I wanted freedom that was not just for me but for my children and their children. I wanted what God promised me. I wanted to live. I wanted to be loved.

As the ten year mark quickly approaches, I am reminded while cleaning this wall, that healing comes in layers and you have to show up. You have to allow the Lord to use spiritual goo gone to get the grime off your soul. You have to allow different forms of scraping tools to get each layer of it off. Your heart has to heal from the wounds and you have to be okay with the scars (doesn’t mean you have to like them at first, but one day you will appreciate them – Jesus has scars too). Each layer I have scraped has not been easy. It has taken real effort. It is not just wiping off the wall. I have tried four times now and there is still more left. So I took a break.

I had to. I needed to sit down and evaluate the magnitude of this lesson. It’s okay to take a break. But a break doesn’t mean stopping and putting your life in park. It means sitting in neutral for a little bit to allow your body to rest. It means evaluating where you are at and asking the Holy Spirit what you need next. You may think you know, but I can promise you this…He knows much better. He knows the layer that needs to come off next, even if you think you do. Because He can see what we can’t.

He knew that the only thing that would take the adhesive off my wall was a special time of spray and scraping tools. I tried everything else I could but I still didn’t find the solution to the problem until He told me. Now I sit here looking at the place on the wall I have been scraping and it is clearer than it used to be. I can see the places where the wall is still wet and shiny and the outline of what I had on the wall remains but it is not as prominent as it was. I know that when I try again, more will come off but it may take a few more times. So, I will continue to keep scraping until it all comes off.

Don’t let people or circumstances stop you from doing the work you need to do to cleanse your soul. The enemy will send people to discourage you on your journey…forgive them for being used by the enemy and keep moving forward. Don’t stop. If you have ever watched the movie “Meet the Robinsons”, the main tagline is “Keep Moving Forward”. It’s one of my favorite movies. And I am reminded that continuing to move forward means that no circumstance that I go through can stop me from reaching the ultimate goal – heaven. As long as I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, and stay surrendered to God’s will for my life, however imperfectly I do it, then I will keep showing up and keep getting up.

Hebrews 12:2 says: “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

We all have a path to take in life. Jesus went to the cross so we could sit with Him in heaven. Our ultimate goal is eternal life. Not this world. I hope that you keep moving forward and keep showing up. Let your soul be cleansed by the One who created it. I know it’s hard. I know people hurt you. I know you made mistakes. I know that some things just weren’t fair and there is no earthly explanation for why you went through some of the things you did. I get it. There are many questions I have too, but I know the One with the answers, and I am okay not having them all.

I pray you are too. God bless you. May you find more healing this year than you ever thought possible and a closeness to Abba Father that is indescribable.

Faythe

P.s. – here are the pictures of the wall and the mess!